


I’ve got a human life now, Dean Winchester.

by destielismylovesong



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 16:39:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielismylovesong/pseuds/destielismylovesong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Remember what I said," he said quietly as they walked quickly, Sam keeping up behind. “Remember? You’re not gonna die a virgin, Cas. Remember that, okay?" Cas had smiled up at him as the doctors exchanged glances. He opened his mouth to respond, but his face went slack, his eyes closing, and the doctors were pushing Dean away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’ve got a human life now, Dean Winchester.

**Author's Note:**

> On [ Tumblr ](http://ninetypercentgrace.tumblr.com/post/55740814906/for-reem-and-meg-inspired-by-x-dean-sam)

"Dean," Sam says, getting up from the metal chair and looking at his brother worriedly, “calm down. Punching through a wall won’t-"

Dean spins on his heel towards Sam and glares. The harsh hospital light highlights the anguish in his face. “He’s hurt, and this is my fault.  _My fault._  I shouldn’t have let him go out hunti-“

"He’s a big boy, Dean," Sam replies calmly, his hands out in a gesture of peace as he approaches his brother. “He made the decision to come with us-"

"I could’ve stopped him." The words are torn out of Dean, and he leans against the wall of the waiting room, closing his eyes in defeat.

It had been a vampire. A simple hunt for Cas to take part in. But the vampire had taken one look at Cas and grinned knowingly before jumping him, saying something about fallen angel blood being the best kind. He’d ripped into Cas, shredding his shoulder and almost managing to bite his neck before Dean had swiped his head off furiously.

Sam had caught Cas and carried him to the backseat of the Impala while Dean rushed to the driver’s seat and gunned the engine. The worry in his expression was frantic, screaming through the forest of his eyes. Sam hadn’t bothered asking if he should drive given his brother’s state; he’d slid into the backseat of the car and used his jacket to put pressure on Cas’s wound.

"Dean," Cas had coughed out weakly. Dean hadn’t answered, had refused to answer, to face the possibility that Cas was too seriously injured. “Dean, I-"

"No," Dean had said fiercely, swerving in a sharp turn. “No, you’re not doing this. We’re not doing this now. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to fucking make it, Cas, if I have to put you back together myself. You hear me?"

He’d looked in the rearview mirror, meeting Cas’s gaze. The fallen angel had smiled affectionately. “Putting you back together,” he’d murmured. “That’s my job, isn’t it?”

Dean had sworn, forcing back the tears that pressed against the back of his eyes. He’d put his foot down on the pedal and they’d arrived at the hospital in record time, screeching into the entrance to the emergency room.

Dean had slammed out of the car, opening Cas’s door and pulling him out as gently and quickly as he could while Sam rushed inside to find a doctor.

"Dean," Cas had whispered as Dean arranged his uninjured arm over his own shoulder. Dean had turned in to him, their noses only inches apart, beyond any concept of personal space.

"I mean it, Cas," Dean had said, although his voice wavered. “I mean it, I don’t want to hear it-"

"What if I di-"

"Remember what I said?" Dean had asked, focusing on the bright blue oceans staring at him in fear. Sam came running out of the ER, a team of doctors following him in a rush, one of them pulling a gurney.

A female doctor had pulled Cas away from Dean roughly, and Dean swung around to face her. “Are you kidding me?” he’d growled. “Are you fucking joking? Be careful or I swear-“

"Sir-" Another doctor reached for Dean’s arm to pull him back, and only Sam could hold Dean back as he went for a swing.

"Don’t ‘sir’ me, Doc," Dean had said, voice low and violent, fighting against Sam’s hold as another doctor helped Cas into the gurney more gently this time. “I swear to you, if you don’t take care of him, I will break every bone in your damn body, I will sic every demo-"

"Dean," Cas had said sharply, weakly. Dean pulled against Sam’s hold again, and Sam let him go. Dean strode over to Cas’s side, holding his hand as the doctors wheeled him in.

"Remember what I said," he said quietly as they walked quickly, Sam keeping up behind. “Remember? You’re not gonna die a virgin, Cas. Remember that, okay?"

Cas had smiled up at him as the doctors exchanged glances. He opened his mouth to respond, but his face went slack, his eyes closing, and the doctors were pushing Dean away, out of the way, even as he fought back, cursing and threatening as they wheeled Cas away behind white steel doors that clearly did not welcome the two worried hunters.

They’d waited. Waited and waited. One doctor had come out a couple of hours before to tell them that Cas was in surgery and they wouldn’t know anything for a while. He’d escaped from the room as quickly as possible, Dean’s clenched fists and the murder in his eyes putting the fear of God in him.

"Dean," Sam says now, pulling his brother out of his anguished, guilt-ridden thoughts. “Dean, this isn’t your fault. He’s been asking to go on a hunt for a month now. He’s been training with you, and…"

Dean drifts out of Sam’s speech, thinking of his training sessions with Cas. A slow curl of warmth unfolds in his belly as he thinks back to all the times he’d ended up on top of Cas, their lips an inch away from each other, their bodies grinding together before they separated, pretending nothing was happening between them. He curses mentally, hating himself for thinking about  _this_ ,  ** _now_**.

But he can’t help it. His mind wanders to the day before, when Cas had managed to best him for the first time, pinning him to the ground beneath his own body. Dean had bucked up into him instinctively, desperately, his eyes burning as they met Cas’s. He’d arched up into him, baring his neck, wanting, needing.

"Cas." The fallen angel’s name had come out in a strangled breath.

"Dean, I-"

Dean’s eyes had snapped back to Cas’s at the naked want in his voice. He’d flipped them over, turning Cas on his back and hovering over him, grinding their very obvious erections together. Cas had cried out, and Dean had stopped, concerned, pulling back and settling on his side on the floormat next to Cas. He’d tugged on his shoulder, and Cas had obliged, turning on to his side, facing Dean with his eyes closed, too embarrassed to open them. Dean had rested their foreheads together, keeping his hands and his body to himself.

"It’s okay," he’d murmured. “We don’t have to-"

"I want to," Cas had interrupted, opening his eyes, and Dean had smiled. “Then let’s take it slow," he’d responded gently, getting up and holding out a hand. “Why don’t we just continue training for now, and we can revisit this tomorrow."

Cas had opened his eyes, looking up at Dean to make sure he was being serious. “You don’t usually take it slowly,” he’d said cautiously as he’d taken Dean’s outstretched hand.

"I don’t usually take it with you," Dean had responded simply. Cas had nodded, and Dean had pulled him up, and things had gone back to normal.

"Dean, this isn’t your fault." Sam’s firm voice pulls Dean out of his thoughts. Just as he’s about to reply, a doctor enters the waiting room.

"How is he?" Dean demands, striding over to get in the doctor’s face. Dr. Summers, his name tag reads, looks to Sam for help, but he just shrugs.

"He’s uh-" Dean glares, and the doctor’s words trip over themselves in his rush. “He’s okay. There was some internal damage that we had to clean up and sew back together. But he’s fine and he’ll be back to normal within a few weeks."

Dean presses his hands to his eyes, and Sam knows, in the way that he knows his brother, that he’s doing his best not to break down.

"Can we see him?" he asks quickly, knowing Dean wouldn’t want anyone to witness any hint of weakness.

"One at a time," Dr. Summers responds, looking at Dean. “I’ll show you to his room." Sam nods and takes a seat, knowing that Dean needs to see Cas more than he does, more than he ever will.

Dean hurries the doctor, practically pushing him into a sprint, but when they stand outside Cas’s door, he stops, hesitant. The doctor looks at him sympathetically. “You can go in,” he says quietly. “It’s okay. He wants to see you now more than anything else. More than sleep.”

"How do you know?" Dean asks, staring at the closed door nervously. This is stupid, he thinks. Dean Winchester does not get nervous.

"He asked for you," the doctor answers, turning the knob and opening the door. “Multiple times."

Dean doesn’t even remember to thank him as he steps into the room, his eyes immediately going to the bed. His angel lies there, thankfully only surrounded by two tubes instead of the multitudes he’d imagined. Cas opens his eyes at the sound of his footsteps and smiles groggily.

"Did you murder any of the doctors?" he asks softly, and Dean smiles, sitting down in the chair by his bed and carefully taking his hand in his own.

"They’re all still alive, thanks to Sammy," he murmurs, turning Cas’s hand to his lips and kissing his palm. Tears burn in his eyes, and his next words choke out of him.

"Cas, I’m-"

"Dean," Cas says, “I swear to my Father, as useless as He is, that if you’re about to blame yourself, I will break your nose as soon as I’m feeling better."

"Wow, really feeling the love here," Dean says, affronted. A split-second later, he freezes as he realizes what he’d said. The word he’d chosen. His eyes meet Cas’s, horrified, embarrassed, but Cas just smiles and squeezes his hand weakly.

"Dean Winchester-" Cas starts.

"Does it need saying, Cas?" Dean asks quietly. Cas looks at him for a moment, then tugs him down and whispers in his ear.

Dean struggles for a moment, his emotions rising to the forefront, threatening to overwhelm him. But before Cas can say anything, Dean threads his fingers in Cas’s hair and pulls him in for a kiss.

Their first. Over five years of pent-up anguish, fear, need, want, desire,  _love_ , finally expressed. Dean is gentle, careful, but fierce, pressing his lips to Cas’s, his tongue sweeping out to urge the other man’s lips apart. Cas opens, meeting Dean thrust for thrust as he reaches up with his good arm to cup Dean’s face in his hand.

When they finally break apart, breathing hard, eyes glazed and smiles dazed, Cas drops his head back to his pillow tiredly and Dean threads their fingers together again.

"You know, I’ve got a human life now, Dean Winchester," Cas murmurs, his eyes closing. “I could spend it with you, if you want."

"I think we both know I made my choice a long time ago," Dean replies softly as Cas drifts off into oblivion with a faint smile on his face. Dean settles back into the chair for the night, his hand holding on to Cas’s.


End file.
